


Way Beyond

by CinderPoppy (salamanderssmile)



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Constipation, Hurt, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Trouble Sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 00:07:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16230107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salamanderssmile/pseuds/CinderPoppy
Summary: After a night of bad sleep, Shen and Zed retire to rest, but not before checking up on each other. What are friends for, after all?





	Way Beyond

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShimadaGenji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShimadaGenji/gifts).



> it's garbage boys being garbage, babes. get ready for the amazing combination of emotional constipation and depression.

The sight of Shen still enticed him. Sleeping, lips half open like a kiss’ promise. He was beautiful. Zed wanted him. Like a starved man wants food, Zed craved the Eye of Twilight’s attention. An ache he had long since learned to ignore, come back in full as they played cat and mouse with Jhin. Any kind of attention was good, regardless of whether it was praise or violence. Zed wanted, so badly it hurt, so badly he knew he must have been out of his mind to imagine half of the scenarios running through his head. Surely Shen would hate him even more if he knew. And Zed, already living on faint hopes, could not deny or accept that thought.

The Master of Shadows couldn't sleep. In the darkness of the merchant’s cart that was carrying them, every bump of the road was keenly felt. It made his heart race, and kept him up in a tired, insomniac trance where his only companions were yearning and loneliness. If Shen, beautiful Eye of Twilight, peacefully resting so close Zed could touch him, wasn't enough of a worry, there was Kayn. No news of the boy had returned ever since he arrived on Noxus. Zed feared. Zed worried. He looked down only to find Shen, dressed lightly for the spring weather, shapely muscles shifting as he breathed. Zed sighed. It would be a long night.

 

Shen’s chest had long since gone numb under the weight of the metaphorical black hole that never seemed to leave him. His head felt heavy, he had slept badly. But at least he slept. Zed had stayed awake all night, by the looks of it, only at dawn managing to close his eyes and take a rest. He looked… peaceful. Preternaturally pale, unlike he was before. But, then again, who was Shen to judge on matter of supernatural. The Eye of Twilight, keeper of balance, the dispassionate exacter of karmic justice in both physical and spiritual realm. A tired man, like any other.

Shen missed his childhood, missed laughter coming easily, missed playing with Zed. He missed his father. And shouldn't he hate Zed for it? For losing so much. But he couldn't. After the initial anger washed away with time, all that was left was the hollow emptiness he had grown used to. Shen wanted to hate Zed, wanted to love him as well. He wanted to feel, even though he knew he shouldn't, knew he wouldn't. Because his duty, and the balance, were more important than his whims.

But the yearning was there. He wanted. Something not altogether describable, but he wanted. Was he allowed to want? He could reach out right then, touch Zed’s hand, feel something. It was so tempting. Was hate in balance with love? His fingertips touched the leather of Zed’s gloves before Shen pulled away as if he had been burned. He didn’t need this.

 

The merchant stopped at a village midmorning, where they quietly slipped away. Sore and worn out from the lack of good sleep, they decided to find a place to try and rest. Zed was tired, big dark circles under his eyes telling of restless hours. But Shen was troubled. Clearly distraught with something. Zed was afraid to ask what. They wandered, hooded against the sunglare, until they found an inn. A quaint little place, full of flower pots. Shen liked it, so they decided to stay.

With each headed to their room, Zed thought he’d finally be able to lay down, rest, get rid of the awful headache plaguing him. But Shen’s face from earlier in the morning kept coming back to his mind. It was so… sad. So broken. It filled Zed with a tenderness he had long ago forgotten. So he decided to check up on Shen, promising himself it was nothing, it meant nothing. He was simply worried that the other man might hinder their investigations. That was all. 

Zed soothed himself with the blatant lies as he slipped outside, a shadowy figure, entirely silent. He kneeled before Shen’s door, looking through the keyhole to see if it was an inopportune moment to knock. But the sight had him dizzy, breathing heavy. Shen, shirtless, cleaning himself of the road dust with a wet rag over a basin full of water. The Master of Shadows couldn't help himself, or the lump in his throat, as he kept on watching, ogling. Shen’s muscles shifted under his dusky copper skin. The silver traces of scars enticed Zed’s fingers, made them tingle. He wanted to look away, to stand up and knock or go back to his room. But he couldn't. He was enthralled. It was minutes of low burning desire before Shen turned around, seemingly looking right at Zed through the door.

“I know you're there.” The Eye of Twilight said, frowning. “You're slipping, Zed.”

“I was… distracted.” Zed answered, rising to his feet and opening the unlocked door. Didn't Shen care about his own safety? “It won't happen again.”

Inside, Shen’s skin still glistened with a sheen of water. His arms were crossed, but his brow was raised in what passed for amusement for him now.

“I knew.” The answer was follow by a long, heavy silence. It was about Zed watching him, no doubt. There was nothing else it could be. So, angrily, Zed stomped closer to Shen, slamming the door on the way.

“Are you putting on shows for your greatest enemies, now, Eye of Twilight?” Zed’s grin was all sharp teeth and blazing gaze.

“I… I was not…” Shen stuttered, flustered at the thought, or perhaps just the accusation.

“I think you were.” Zed drew close, until they were almost chest to chest, barely inches apart. “You knew, and you let me. Let me watch. You could have stopped, could have called me. But you didn't…”

“That means nothing, Zed.” The Eye said, impassive, turning his face away. His cheeks were dusted dark with a blush.

“Doesn't it?” The Master of Shadows drew back, away from Shen’s heat. His eyes were disappointed, almost sad. Shen didn't like it.

“If I tell you it does, what would it change?” It was the Eye’s turn to look sad, though he was more defeated than disappointed. “We are still who our past made of us.”

“It changes  _ everything _ .” It was Shen’s last warning before Zed surged forward, lacing his arms around the redhead’s neck, kissing him with the fervor of a dying man. It surprised only part of him when Shen pressed back.

Where Zed was forceful, fervorous, the Eye was soft, pliant. They were opposing forces that entwined in a dance that threatened to drive the Master of Shadows mad. When he pushed, Shen pulled, every step forward was met with a step back. And Zed wanted. When Shen opened his mouth, Zed moaned as their tongues ran against each other. He ran his fingers over the Eye’s arms, raising goosebumps in their wake. Zed delighted in how warm Shen was.

The Eye of Twilight’s wandering hands found the scar on Zed’s left temple. He traced it with his fingertips, gentle as Zed recoiled, his own pale hand coming to rest on Shen’s wrist. That scar was given to him by Jhin, back when they were young, before the shadows. Zed almost cried when he felt lips kissing it, tracing a path by his forehead, down his nose, and back to his mouth. Now, the fire in his belly had been rekindled with something so akin to love that it hurt, turned it into a furnace. He wanted Shen, never wanted to let him go.

Zed fell on his knees, kissed Shen’s belly and hip bones before looking up, question in his eyes. Shen, glassy eyed somehow, only nodded, running soothing hands through Zed’s white hair. The Master of Shadows lowered the redhead’s pants down to his ankles, where they were kicked away. Shen’s cock was dark and heavy and half hard. Zed touched it tentatively, almost shaking. He ran his knuckles against its underside, splayed his palms against the toned thighs. He kissed a wet trail from root to tip, taking it little by little into his mouth. His chest felt so full he wanted to cry. What a pathetic Master of Shadows he was. Almost crying while sucking a man’s cock.

Zed licked and sucked until he could feel Shen shaking from head to toe. Then, he stopped. Rising from his kneeling position, he stood in front of Shen, one naked, the other fully dressed. The Eye had inquisitive hands, that hesitantly palmed along clothes, trying to feel what was under them. After a moment of the quiet request, Zed caved in, slowly removing his tunic as Shen watched, enraptured. And then, in one quick movement, he removed his pants, to see Shen swallow thickly as he stood straight again, lilac eyes focused intently on what was between Zed’s legs.

Presumptuous in his movements, the Master of Shadows stepped closer to the other man, resting his hands around Shen’s neck. Without squeezing, he traced the Eye’s jawline with his thumbs, rubbed them against his lips, all while Shen maintained his impassive expression. Trailing goosebumps down Shen’s arms, Zed took his hands, pulled him without force until they were laying on the narrow bed of the room. Shen obediently laid down for Zed to straddle him, their cocks lined up and rubbing against each other. The Master of Shadows could see the strain it took for Shen not to buck up, searching for friction. Like he waited for an order. Zed held them both in one hand and smiled as he started to move.

The smile was genuine, reminded Shen of old times, made his throat clog up. But Zed, so gently, was bringing him closer and closer to the edge with his cold hands. The slide of his cock against Shen’s took the Eye’s breath away, and the proximity alleviated the monumental weight on his chest if even for a second. He felt like there was something, past the abyss in his chest, that loved Zed. For one moment, he embraced it. He rut against the Master until they were both red in the chest and panting. They came almost at the same time, painting wet white stripes on Shen’s chest and belly, on top of which Zed collapsed, sighing. Shen wondered if he didn't find it disgusting.

“That was… something.” Zed said after finally getting some air back in his lungs.

“Yes.” Shen seemed to be made of ice, despite his heat.

“Do you hate me?” The Master of Shadows asked after sighing, lifting himself up on an elbow on Shen’s chest.

“No.” The Eye answered, genuine, dispassionate, giving hope to the other man.

“Do you think…” Zed swallowed thickly, clenched his hands into fists in anxiety. “Do you think you could ever love me?”

And, like the sound of shattered glass, Shen’s reply cut Zed until his heart was raw and bleeding: “No.” And he didn't say he wanted to, despite it being true, because balance was more important than his whims.

“Of course. What was I thinking?” Zed’s face contorted into a mask of scorn and disdain. “The Eye of Twilight is too busy with his mantras to have a heart.”

The Master of Shadows climbed off the bed, dressing quickly before stepping out of the room in a fury that betrayed a terrible sadness. Shen wanted to ask him to stay. But he didn't, because what he wanted didn't matter.

**Author's Note:**

> iiiif you liked this, please consider buying me a coffee at ko-fi.com/cinderpoppy


End file.
